Saint Severus

Saepe creat molles aspera spina rosas
Aequam memento rebus in arduis servare mentem
Quae nocent saepe docent
Sic inquam Severus:
Exaudi sapientia mea

-Litany of St. Severus


A number of minds have already connected the martyred character of Snape with the existence of real saints sharing his name. We can only hope they were not members of Death Eater-like clubs, but the idea of redemption through love is a romantic and persistent one. . .

The Last Premier - Party like a Potions Master!

HARRY POTTER PREMIER PARTY JULY 14th:
Candy, Potions, Prizes, Wizard drinks, Plastic snakes and plenty of fun!

A display on the potion table – cauldron and numerous witchy ingredients (snakeskins, aconite, brimstone, wormwood, ghost weed, velvet leaf, belladonna, bistort, and a couple of potions). Only the batwings are not real – anyone who would kill bats merely for a display deserves to be cut up and used in a potion!

Let's face it – not all of us have the Galleons (nor the inclination!) to travel from the Pacific Northwest to scorching, muggy Florida to attend an official Harry Potter Convention. So, we here in Portlandmeade did what we could to send the Great Franchise off in style. At the apothecary I call home, we were invited by a small candy company, Chalk-Let (cute) – which is run out of a mini-schoolbus: Knight Bus, move over for these girls! – to have a table there, at which we could sell goods and do live potions demos.

Ewww!!! Name your ingredient – gooey gel, spiders, rats, several species of snakes – Dollar Scholar hosts a freaky table

What could be better, I ask, than being a real live Potions Master and apprentice, getting to help kids make real potions, all while sipping delicious, homemade butterbeer and pumpkin juice and swapping ridiculous anecdotes on a balmy afternoon? Few things, I daresay. . .



Our potion-making table – for a mere five Galleons (oops, dollars!) kid and adult alike can "brew", bottle and take home a potion. Antiquated pewter scoops, my massive potion case, old parchments, a quill, and a jar of Unguens Levitamens complete this scene.



Detail of the parchments, et cetera. Three of them – Libido Dulcis Fervidus, Velvet Blanket Brew, and Venice Treacle, are recipes for real potions; the fourth is a joke parchment, featuring a student's hideously illegible scribble and the scathing red-inked reply of an irate Professor Snape.

Butterbeer Recipe:
Cream soda, then spray or slather some butterscotch-flavor whip cream on top. Mmm, decadent!



A young member of my own House, dressed in her finest, coolly watches her friend's attempt at making a potion. She sips some of that yummy pumpkin juice, and has already made her potion, with the assertion: "I don't care what the herbs do, I just want something cool to put on my shelf!" Slytherin vanity. . . Hufflepuff honesty!

Pumpkin Juice Ingredients:
Apple cider
Pumpkin puree
Ginger
Cinnamon
Cloves
(sorry, didn't get the fractions. A bloke like Sev, and his apprentice, can figure it out – tough luck if you can't!)



My real-life Master, Carmella, instructs a young hopeful on the magic properties of each ingredient – Rose, Lavender, Jasmine flowers, Cinnamon, Mugwort, Mandrake, Frankincense – while Mom watches. We taught our charges how to make three types of potion – for love, vivid dreams, and protection. Pop Quiz: Which combinations do you guess are good for each brew?


The Woman who was Snape uses freaky Legili-powers to divine the reading of a Love-o-meter, an uber-cool, geeky science glass piece sold by the nearby Dollar Scholar fun shop. Around my neck are the very expensive Emerald Phial and a very cheap candy-powder plastic bottle, now filled with a healthy bee pollen snack. I found it's not practical to fully channel Snape (like I do in pictures), even in a Harry Potter setting, beyond making teases like, "And I'm not even grading them!" Why? Let's face it, folks. These are kids, and Snape is – no question – not a fun guy to be around.

Potterheads check out some local merchandise. Pah! Golden-Trio emulators! nice scarf



The interior of Chalk-Let Candy Company's candy bus! Second only to Honeydukes, with enough variety of goodies to satisfy even Dumbledore's tastes, the Bus features bulk lemon drops, runts, mints, wax sugar-drink bottles, gumdrops, crunchy clusters, lollipops, jelly beans (yes, they have boxes of Bertie Bott's Every Flavor Beans, and I ran into one hell of an icky taste twice!), and Snape shudders to think what else. If you're ever in Portland, give 'em a visit – any candy-filled school bus with a chalkboard inside reading, "You are special" is a great place.


Afterward, at 9:00 pm, we all packed up like maniacs, I stuck 40-odd lbs. on my back and raced home on the wheeled broomstick to prepare for the Last Premier – as (what else) all-inhibitions-barred Snape!

Ladies and gentlemen, make way for The Saint – or else.

Undercover

Busy Severus!

Far too busy to do much except grade essays – no Easter holidays for burnt-out Potions masters! A bit of brewing here and there.

Also, I haven't oft written lately because I currently have limited access to this delightful Muggle invention of the internet. Some truly awful pictures have leaked into the Daily Prophet underground which I am trying to track down before they hit the web – apparently, some wizards have nothing better to do than look at pictures of me in conjunction with such hideous occasions as Valentine's Day and Easter... Merlin spare my ego and reputation...

The park is lovely this time of year. Trees are coming into bloom, plants growing for potion ingredients. Yet it is still wet enough, and there are still enough shadows, and still a distinct lack of tourists and children, to cater to my refined tastes... Not to mention the odd mis-occurrence to keep my spying skills sharp...










Meantime, I've been suffering through student woes, crashing a Gryffindor cram-fest AND a vampires' masquerade ball on back-to-back nights (leading to sporadic correspondence with the leader of Greece's vampiric sorcerer community; apparently they're having problems with a Voldemort-like chap over there as well – more on that later), and keeping pace with Albus' stepped-up efforts – where will it all end?!?!

The essays are beginning to look pretty good...

How to Hide your potions from Gryffindors

I actually caught that little beast Wormtail trying to tamper with my potions samples once when I was looking the other direction (Slytherin tip: never look the other direction for any longer than you have to)! I've also caught him looking over my shoulder, trying to figure out how I was modifying my brews. Those prats never quit.

Fortunately, I managed to transfigure an old, discarded tome into a portable kit – both for basic brewing needs, and (most importantly) to store finished samples. Now let's see them try to filch my phials out of my bag – they're out of sight, disguised by a harmless-looking book!

This is, in fact, my own handmade, functional Potions kit. (However, it took a lot longer to make than using mere transfiguration!) Wooden, leather-bound, reinforced, it can withstand plenty of active use. It opens to reveal not one, but two layers of small compartments full of tiny phials. I am now offering several for sale via eBay, but this original is the best – and to carry it is, I'm sorry, such a pimpin' status symbol for serious Snape-o-philes like me. Not to mention great for taking on the road... from Nausea Drops to Instant Bliss, Libido Fervidus to Mortis Rapidum, it's a medical and magical kit in a book.

Young Severus and the Dream Hair

I never was one for showing emotions in a world where showing emotions could get you picked on, pranked, beat up, ratted out, tortured, killed... early on I discovered that my hair was yet one more way to disguise my feelings and thoughts – a curtain of mystery. Woe betide those who are caught in the beam of even one keen eye!

My latest shot of the "Dream Snape-Hair". Gods! but I am exceedingly proud of that shine! Dr. Bronner's Castille soap, olive oil, and yes, natural grease. I love this picture, which lends to young Severus an air of mystique like that of some raven Lord, a shadow prince... or, if female, a harem-princess who packs a stiletto and poison!

World-famous Hair

I washed my hair today. That is something that does not happen very often. Once a week maximum – frequently less than that. Oh, I hear the sniggers and the sing-song ridiculing, from what the little dunderheads only think is behind my back (spies have sharp ears). The female ones, especially, complain in winter how the dry, cold air makes their hair frizzy. Now, of course you'll complain, you little fools, when you wash it every day! And use drying spells on it, of all things! Let the natural grease build up! Mine stays soft and silky, even when exposed to the fumes from dozens of cauldrons all day long. But the benefits of hair as oily as mine will, no doubt, be sought or learned by few.

Severus Snape is famous for his greasy hair. In fact, my hair care regimen was a lot more like Snape's to begin with than the every-morning shower wash that a lot of people think is "normal", so going "fully Snape" in my hair methods was a surprisingly easy transition to make. I, too, wash my hair once a week or less and, get this!, if it's not greasy enough, I add olive oil or avocado compound to it! The results are deliciously silky, shiny and supple. And since I make my own hair-care potions, I get to laugh myself sick at all those expensive, petroleum-based compounds in the supermarket hair aisle. A whole aisle of them, will you believe. Silly Muggles.

This photo is a joke on Snape. No, I do not actually use axle grease on my hair. Makes for a cute pic though. What I do use is this potion I made... (Don't have the patience, or a lab? Aw, what a shame! Better go to the salon.)

















Snape's Secret Sauce (abbreviated)

3 cups apple cider vinegar
1/4 cup dried sage
1/4 cup dried rosemary
1.5 Tbs. yarrow leaves/flowers
2 Tbs. thyme
1 Tbs. dried elderberries
1 Tb. ground coffee
1 Tb. cloves
3 witch-hazel twigs, diced
Few drops Boyajian lime
10-20 drops favorite essential oil(s) to balance scent of vinegar

Grind all ingredients to powder with mortar and pestle. Warm vinegar in cauldron to just boiling. Add all but last two ingredients (oils are volatile!!!) to vinegar, simmer for 5 minutes, turn off heat, and steep as brew cools. When cool, place in jar, add oils, and macerate for 7 days; strain and bottle. Use 1/8 to 1/4 cup per 2 cups water, no more than twice per month, as a hair rinse.

Class in Session: A Professional Blend

It always helps to be in the right place at the right time when students come around the corner, clearly indulging in any one of numerous imbecilic activities when they should be studying for pre-holiday exams. Lurking about as I have found it profitable to do, one is bound to catch a few of them – including my Slytherins – off guard. And it's not as if they don't have plenty to learn...

What does a real potion formula look like? The other day at the Apothecary, I restocked our shelf supply of Colitis blend, made from a number of herbal extracts. Most of these formulae call for quite a few ingredients. A similar one is below. With the ingredients' folk names used, rather than modern names, it looks like this:

Elixir of Rejuvenation

Wonder-of-the-World 37 minims
Maca 52 ms.
Gotu Kola leaves 30 ms.
Hotfruit powder 22 ms.
Tree-of-Wisdom 22 ms.
Bladderwrack 30 ms.
Curcurma 30 ms.
Green Tea 22 ms.
Wild Yam 22 ms.
Ladies' meat 22 ms.
Hyssop 22 ms.
Bamboo Briar 30 ms.
Sang 30 ms.
Sweet Root 7 ms.
Love Herb 7 ms.
Trefoil 7 ms.
Gin berry 7 ms.
Karan gum 7 ms.
Swine snout 7 ms.
Sage 7 ms.
Masterwort 7 ms.
Palmetto fruits 7 ms.

All I can say is, I'm glad I'm not Harry Potter and having to remember that one by heart on exam day! With enough studying, however, it's less scary than it looks – especially as one gets more and more familiar with plants and their powers. Herbalism folks may recognize the major, or primary, ingredients and supporting, or secondary ingredients of this formula.

Note: What the hell is a minim?!?!?! An older unit of liquid measurement equal to 1/80 tsp.!! We have our formulae in teaspoons and fluid ounces, too, since a minim is so tiny.
Another note: Have I revealed the complete formula? Of course not! I am a Slytherin!
Dunderhead tip: Hold the spoon against the bottle lip as you pour or it goes aaaaaaaall over your shoes.

























Back in the day I loved nothing more than this sort of academic pursuit, as I still do, and Potions especially. But every so often, even I needed a break...

Back in Action

Woe is me (Shakespeare used this form, imbeciles – "It is I" is fine, but "Woe is I" is simply pompous modern confusion!)... I've had one decent night to myself and now it's back in the field, rubbing shoulders delicately with students, aurors, Death Eaters and every other manner of undesirable. They nearly caught the "Old Bat" this time, but I flew up the stairs into the belfry and out the vents. And they wonder why I look constipated and put in extra orders of Wiz-Lax from the Apothecary (cheaper than brewing my own). Well, of course! A spy's life is ever the relaxing jaunt.