"Just 'cuz ...you know."

"And now, a word from our sponsors!"

A little one for the great one. . . .

you know you're a hardcore Snape fan

when you're not only comfortable wearing black but you can see every color of the rainbow in it
and you dress like him every chance you get (except at work since like maybe it's a factory so they won't permit frock robes)
and you do your makeup more to look like Snape than you do to be conventionally attractive

when you can't fuckin wait until you not only have a house but you have a really cool spooky house with a huge fully-equiped lab

when your pockets always end up full of vaguely identifiable shit
because you think it might make a good ingredient

when you know he owns you heart and soul and you've given up pretending otherwise and it's ok
and you've got him on your home altar instead of Zeus or Buddha or something

when you have no need of therapy when you come home
even on your shittiest days
and you only wash your hair maybe like once every three weeks

when you don't give a flying thestral turd about JK anymore or the overbloated Fantastic What-the-fuck-ever franchise or really even all the Potter universe geekery bullshit that the media and even some of your circle friends try to force down your throat with a toilet plunger like on a daily basis now
and you're totally arrogant about being how you are
and if anyone tries to diss you for not being fan-this or fan-that you cheerfully tell them to go to hell in a unicorn-pulled handcart

when you own as many boxes full of potion shit as you do clothes
yet you've pretty much lost interest in anything like Potter-themed balls because honestly it's so cheesy what is the fucking point
oh and besides you'd rather spend the money on an overseas apothecary tour plane ticket or rare ingredients or a like fuckin cauldron finally


and when other chicks are going on about clothes TV shows music or whatever while you're squeeing over your cute new antique drugs and poisons atomizer

when you would live and breathe the shit
IF you didn't have a day job and most of your brewing gear and shit wasn't all boxed up
but even on your brokest days you have that old-world sense of taste where quality counts
and find ways to savor the more complex flavors
oh yeah and you can't just drink your damn booze or juice or whatever like a damn normal person because if there's two or more drinkable things available then you're like compelled to be a freak about it and mix them together

when you've lost all interest in these celebrity fucks who are handsome and nothing else
and everything you ever hated about 007 is magnified like ten times because compared to a certain other spy he's a piece of womanizing shit
or when your fantasy phase pattern looks like this:
latest teen glitter fadboy = never
Draco = ten weeks
Lucius = ten years
Severus = FOREVER

and
ALL.
YOU CARE ABOUT.
IS SNAPE.

seriously fuck the rest it's garbage

then you know you are FUCKING legit.

~

Yes, it's a humor piece; but it's also true that pretty much all of the above (save for the photo of cutting, since I'm not of the necessary inclination or desperation required to cut) do apply to me, and I've described them straight from my heart
... what can I say? Snape has been there for some of my very shittiest times, and now that he's back, I feel powerful and comforted. Just don't bother me with that geeky franchise fan shit --- I am busy expanding my own soul, with help from an archetype that outgrew his own world.