"Gruss vom Krampus!"

"Harry privately felt he'd rather face Slytherin's legendary monster than let Snape catch him robbing his office."

I admit it.
If all in question were, in fact, real, there are a few things I might fear more than a severely angry Severus Snape spotting me being naughty. One of them just might be abduction by Krampus, the terrifying Germanic Christmas devil.

The meeting of pagan dieties and concepts with the Judeo-Christian duality of good and evil may have helped spawn Krampus, the sinister counterpart of benevolent "deity" Saint Nicholas. For many years he wasn't well-known, especially in the USA. But with the arrival of a new movie, a sardonic and apocalyptic mindset, and growing general disgust with consumerism, capitalism and a system that obviously has problems, Krampus is rearing his foul horned head again.

He's a scary bugger, Krampus. According to one article, refugees from the Middle East were warned, upon entering Austria, to expect a sudden moblike attack on a given night by locals dressed as the fearsome Yule devil, but that they had no reason to fear the Krampus-infested streets --- despite horrific masks and feigned child-snatching behavior, it was, after all, just a holiday festival.
 In Portland this coming weekend, we'll be hosting our own Krampuslauf through the streets. Chaos and cackling! Fright and mayhem! Naughty children, beware! If I can find my fur coat and some decent horns (and I'm not too blasted from a week of graveyard shifts), I may join in. This silly, spoiled-rotten nation is asking to be scared in every way.

Props are encouraged. Krampus carries chains, a whipping-broom, and a basket for his prize of bad children to take to the underworld. He is further armed with a famously long, entrapping tongue. Interestingly, I gave some of my own characters special tongues before I ever knew about Krampus; though I did know about Kali Ma, Indian goddess of death and rebirth who destroys evildoers, and who also boasts a long, blood-lusting tongue.

Kali is another dark archetype around whom fed-up folks, particularly women, are rallying today. She destroys outmoded or evil forms of life to make way for new ones; she got so enthusiastic about slaying evil, in fact, that her husband had to lay down in her path to stop her from destroying everything! She stepped on him by accident, and came out of her frenzy.
 Besides the tongue, Kali's weapon is the blade, or scimitar, which she uses to cut away the old life-form and slay enemies. And like both Kali and Krampus, but unlike vampires, my Sarkazen are out to getcha only if you've been very bad. Isaac, for instance, has a lot in common with Severus --- despite his sarcastic, (literally) cutting mouth, he's basically a good guy, a magic kid with a heart of gold:
"Nah, it's not like that, dude. I can't lick you and turn you into a sorcerer."
 While I'm on the topic, millions of pics abound on the Internet of devils, vampires, and Kali and Krampus themselves --- whereas, I've found one, one, that truly captures the spirit of the Sarkazen, so much that it could be Isaac himself. Instead of wielding a sword or flail, the Sarkazen weapon is literally a bladed tongue:

Yum. "Sarcastic": In Greek, it literally means "to rend the flesh", and these folks live up to the name. (Personally, with how many children he's left in shreds, I think Snape might just have possessed some Sarkazen blood, especially with that hooked nose.) Sarcastic people, unpleasant though they can be, also have the power to cut through bullshit and shock us back to reality. In many cultures, the Satyrist is revered or at least respected for this ability to jab and slap a society with its dark side, wake people up, and puncture egos. Based on their rarity of archetype alone, I'm convinced I need to bring Isaac's sharp-mouthed kindred to life, to join task-forces with Krampus in fighting today's rampant corruption. If only Krampus had scared the naughty out of Trump when he was still a good little boy, for instance. . . .
 Krampus or otherwise, for now my own tongue will have do to, KISS-rockstar style. Gruss, yah! But I don't think I'll get quite this close and personal (unless you've been very naughty, or I happen to like you; or both) --- yuck! Krampus grabbing the naughty little fellow's ears reminds me of one Draco Malfoy when he got caught out of bed by Professor McGonagall. Time for the rod and cane! (I'm not sure if any other Hogwarts teachers use this nasty ear pinch, but I will add that with the possible exception of one, I'd rather not be licked by any of them. Definitely a scary thought.)

If I'm feeling especially keen myself, I may try some Krampus-inspired knitting designs. More fun, and certainly more feasible, than dropping eighty bucks I need for a ticket to see Dad for the holidays.
It's . . . Ugly sweater time!

This season, let's hope corporal punishment in the form of rods and canes doesn't come back in style. Then again? Sometimes you get what's coming around . . . and other times you are what's coming around. In a culture of bullshit, maybe it's time to quit taking any.

Greetings from Krampus!